Psychology & Growth: why is it so hard to let go and unlearn? and why this is crucial to growth.

Hi friends, happy mid-June! (it’s crazy how we’re already halfway into 2023 ahh) Anyways, this past month was a weird month for me—it sort of felt like a whirlwind of emotions but through it all, it actually gave me a moment of discovery: the importance of letting go and unlearning in order to unlock growth.

The recent events I experienced that shared this discovery:

1. a podcast episode I was invited to guest in, which become a vulnerable conversation—opening up about my career journey and touching into topics of letting go and insecurities.

2. an eye-opening counseling session last week where I opened up about a particular sentence, which then uncovered multiple hidden trigger points I never knew I struggled with.

3. my ballet classes on Saturdays

4. from new relationships with the new people I’ve recently met

What these events made me realize was that “letting go” has and will always been part of the process of growth. And in the process of letting go, we must unlearn. When we do learn to unlearn, we’re doing at least one or all of the following for ourselves:

• making space for better things

• healing what holds us back

• leveling up

• ❤️

Easier said than done. So, why is it so hard?

Psychology 101:

• Sunk-cost fallacy = A type of cognitive bias where one is reluctant to abandon or let go of X due to resources already invested to it

• Cognitive dissonance = default discomfort when inconsistency and/or conflicting beliefs arises

• Fear of the unknown/uncertainty = Human seek certainty and stability so the fear of the future unknown limits us to change directions

• Emotional attachment/identities = You created an identity evolving around this thing/lifestyle/person that if you do let go, you’re afraid that you’re going to lose your “identity”

As I reflect upon experiences, it really exhibited how much the process of growth remains the same in everything we do—career journeys, every type of relationship we’re part of, all the way down to a specific craft’s development process (for me, that’s ballet technique).

Here’s the process of growth, as how I visualize it:

Step 1: Awareness of the trigger/problem/pain/trait

Step 2: The process of unlearning (or re-conditioning your brain)

Step 3: Practice executing better foundations

Step 4: Get out of your box and be okay with letting go or not knowing what’s next (aka the uncertainty)

The high level takeaway here is that in order to grow, one needs to:

• let go of what’s not serving them anymore in order to make room for something better to come in. (This could resonate with career journeys, and the relationships you have in your life)

• Recondition your brain to let go of bad habits and reteach yourself on the correct way of doing. (The way of thinking, triggers, to even a specific craft’s technique strategy— ballet for example.)

Conclusion

TBH, the topic of “letting go” has been coming up SO much for me recently to the point where it’s a little freaky—so I took it as a sign to write about it in this week’s newsletter 🙂 

I hope this write-up was somewhat eye-opening. I’m curious to know what each of you are currently trying to unlearn. Hit the reply button and let me know!

I’ll start first. Here are a few things I’m currently trying to let go and unlearn:

1. Ballet “standards”

2. Unsustainable mindset/behavior I was taught growing up or unconsciously formed during past experiences and relationships

3. My mental model of intellectualizing emotions or trying to understand the “logic” behind every action/event

Why?

• It affects the way I show up in my daily life

• It affects the way I navigate my relationships in life

• It affects my growth by “boxing” myself

Here are some resources and links on this topic as well.

• The Beauty of What We'll Never Know, Pico Iyer | TED Talk

• Breaking out of your “ballet box”, Kirsten Kemp | Instagram

• Interestingly, I wrote a thread about this last year. Very unplanned, but here it is

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